Famous Quotes / Steven Wright
120 Quotations by Steven Wright
- 41. I have the worlds largest seashell collection. You may have seen it, I keep it spread out on beaches ...
- 42. I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!
- 43. I just bought a microwave fireplace. You can spend an evening in front of it in only eight minutes.
- 44. I just got out of the hospital. i was in a speed-reading accident. i hit a bookmark and flew across ...
- 45. I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there.
- 46. I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour ...
- 47. I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
- 48. I saw a bank that said 24 Hour Banking, but I don't have that much time.
- 49. I saw a subliminal advertising executive, but only for a second.
- 50. I spilled spot remover on my dog. He's gone now.
- 51. I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
- 52. I was in the grocery store. I saw a sign that said pet supplies. So I did. Then I went outside and s ...
- 53. I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
- 54. I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans
- 55. I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
- 56. I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.
- 57. I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. ...
- 58. I went to a 7-11 and asked for a 2x4 and a box of 3x5's. The clerk said, ten-four.
- 59. I went to a cafe that advertised breakfast anytime, so I ordered French Toast during the Rennaisance ...
- 60. I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.