Famous Quotes / Rodney Dangerfield
43 Quotations by Rodney Dangerfield
- 1. A girl phoned me the other day and said "Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was ...
- 2. Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time an actor acts he do ...
- 3. At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still ...
- 4. Everyone gets their rough day. No one gets a free ride. Today so far, I had a good day. I got a dial ...
- 5. I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
- 6. I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
- 7. I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.
- 8. I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
- 9. I get no respect. The way my luck is running, if I was a politician, I would be honest.
- 10. I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man ...
- 11. I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.
- 12. I met the surgeon general - he offered me a cigarette.
- 13. I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he want ...
- 14. I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.
- 15. I tell you, I don't get no respect. When I step into an elevator, the attendant looks at me and says ...
- 16. I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.
- 17. I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met ...
- 18. I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that s ...
- 19. I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
- 20. I went to a fight the other night, and a hockey game broke out.