Famous Quotes / Erma Bombeck
82 Quotations by Erma Bombeck
- 21. Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide.
- 22. I am not a glutton -- I am an explorer of food.
- 23. I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.
- 24. I don't know when pepper mills in a restaurant got to be right behind frankincense and myrrh in prom ...
- 25. I have a hat. It is graceful and feminine and give me a certain dignity, as if I were attending a st ...
- 26. I have a theory about the human mind. A brain is a lot like a computer. It will only take so many fa ...
- 27. I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've nev ...
- 28. I never leaf through a copy of National Geographic without realizing how lucky we are to live in a s ...
- 29. I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: "Checkout Tim ...
- 30. I told you I was sick.
- 31. I was leafing through a magazine where there was a before-and-after picture of a woman who went from ...
- 32. I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.
- 33. I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.
- 34. I'm trying very hard to understand this generation. They have adjusted the timetable for childbearin ...
- 35. I've decided life is too fragile to finish a book I dislike just because it cost $16.95 and everyone ...
- 36. I've never vied for power in the family before. Pointing a box at the garage door and saying Open! w ...
- 37. If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
- 38. If you can laugh at it, you can live with it.
- 39. In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.
- 40. It goes without saying that you should never have more children than you have car windows.