26 Quotations by Joan Rivers
- 1. A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a ...
![A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a .... Joan Rivers.](/img/view.gif)
- 2. A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a labotomy.
![A woman went to a plastic surgeon and asked him to make her like Bo Derek. He gave her a labotomy.. Joan Rivers.](/img/view.gif)
- 3. Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.
![Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.. Joan Rivers.](/img/view.gif)
- 4. Can we talk?
![Can we talk?. Joan Rivers.](/img/view.gif)
- 5. Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you.
![Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you.. Joan Rivers.](/img/view.gif)
- 6. I caused my husband's heart attack. In the middle of lovemaking I took the paper bag off my head. He ...
![I caused my husband's heart attack. In the middle of lovemaking I took the paper bag off my head. He .... Joan Rivers.](/img/view.gif)
- 7. I don't exercise. If God wanted me to bend over, he'd put diamonds on the floor.
![I don't exercise. If God wanted me to bend over, he'd put diamonds on the floor.. Joan Rivers.](/img/view.gif)
- 8. I felt a comedy ego beginning to grow, which gave me the courage to begin tentatively looking into m ...
![I felt a comedy ego beginning to grow, which gave me the courage to begin tentatively looking into m .... Joan Rivers.](/img/view.gif)
- 9. I hate housework! You make the beds; you do the dishes. And six months later you have to start all o ...
![I hate housework! You make the beds; you do the dishes. And six months later you have to start all o .... Joan Rivers.](/img/view.gif)
- 10. I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't make it through one door, I'll go through an ...
![I have become my own version of an optimist. If I can't make it through one door, I'll go through an .... Joan Rivers.](/img/view.gif)
- 11. I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.
![I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.. Joan Rivers.](/img/view.gif)
- 12. I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
![I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio.. Joan Rivers.](/img/view.gif)
- 13. I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.
![I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.. Joan Rivers.](/img/view.gif)
- 14. I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, ''Get the hell off my property.''
![I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, ''Get the hell off my property.''. Joan Rivers.](/img/view.gif)
- 15. I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.
![I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I'd look like without plastic surgery.. Joan Rivers.](/img/view.gif)
- 16. If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.
![If God wanted us to bend over he'd put diamonds on the floor.. Joan Rivers.](/img/view.gif)
- 17. Money can't buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.
![Money can't buy you happiness but it can pay for the plastic surgery.. Joan Rivers.](/img/view.gif)
- 18. My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid fo ...
![My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid fo .... Joan Rivers.](/img/view.gif)
- 19. My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
![My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.. Joan Rivers.](/img/view.gif)
- 20. Never floss with a stranger.
![Never floss with a stranger.. Joan Rivers.](/img/view.gif)
Joan Rivers Quotes by Power Quotations
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