48 Quotations by George Carlin
- 1. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the l ...
- 2. As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.
- 3. At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
- 4. Baseball is the only major sport that appears backwards in a mirror.
- 5. Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
- 6. Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fa ...
- 7. Eventually, alas, I realized the main purpose of buying cocaine is to run out of it.
- 8. Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
- 9. Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
- 10. Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, andanyone going faster than you is ...
- 11. Hobbies cost money but interests are free.
- 12. Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dish ...
- 13. I don't like to think of laws as rules you have to follow, but more as suggestions.
- 14. I have a suggestion that I think would help fight serious crime. Signs. There are lots of signs for ...
- 15. I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Buil ...
- 16. I think it's the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately.
- 17. I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe ...
- 18. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered, what ...
- 19. I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
- 20. I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
George Carlin Quotes by Power Quotations
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