Famous Quotes / Ambrose Bierce

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Ambrose Bierce: "TARIFF, n. A scale of taxes on imports, designed to protect the domestic producer against the greed of his consumer.

The Enemy of Human Souls
Sat grieving at the cost of coals;
For Hell had been annexed of late,
And was a sovereign Southern State.

"It were no more than right," said he,
"That I should get my fuel free.
The duty, neither just nor wise,
Compels me to economize --
Whereby my broilers, every one,
Are execrably underdone.
What would they have? -- although I yearn
To do them nicely to a turn,
I can't afford an honest heat.
This tariff makes even devils cheat!
I'm ruined, and my humble trade
All rascals may at will invade:
Beneath my nose the public press
Outdoes me in sulphureousness;
The bar ingeniously applies
To my undoing my own lies;
My medicines the doctors use
(Albeit vainly) to refuse
To me my fair and rightful prey
And keep their own in shape to pay;
The preachers by example teach
What, scorning to perform, I teach;
And statesmen, aping me, all make
More promises than they can break.
Against such competition I
Lift up a disregarded cry.
Since all ignore my just complaint,
By Hokey-Pokey! I'll turn saint!"
Now, the Republicans, who all
Are saints, began at once to bawl
Against _his_ competition; so
There was a devil of a go!
They locked horns with him, tete-a-tete
In acrimonious debate,
Till Democrats, forlorn and lone,
Had hopes of coming by their own.
That evil to avert, in haste
The two belligerents embraced;
But since 'twere wicked to relax
A tittle of the Sacred Tax,
'Twas finally agreed to grant
The bold Insurgent-protestant
A bounty on each soul that fell
Into his ineffectual Hell.
Edam Smith"


Ambrose Bierce's Quotations


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AcrimoniousAffordAgainstAgreed
AlbeitAlthoughAnnexedAping
AppliesAvertBawlBegan
BelligerentsBeneathBoldBounty
BreakBroilersCantCheat
CoalsComingCompelsCompetition
ComplaintConsumerCostDebate
DemocratsDesignedDevilDevils
DisregardedDoctorsDomesticDuty
EachEconomizeEdamEmbraced
EnemyEvenEveryEvil
ExampleExecrablyFairFell
FinallyForlornFreeFuel
GrantGreedGrievingHaste
HeatHellHokeypokeyHonest
HopesHornsHumanHumble
IgnoreImportsIneffectualIngeniously
InsurgentprotestantIntoInvadeJust
KeepLateLiesLift
LockedLoneMakeMakes
MedicinesNeitherNicelyNose
OnceOutdoesPerformPreachers
PressPreyProducerPromises
ProtectPublicRascalsRefuse
RelaxRepublicansRightRightful
RuinedSacredSaintSaints
ScaleScorningShapeSince
SmithSoulSoulsSouthern
SovereignStateStatesmenSuch
SulphureousnessTariffTaxesTeach
TeteateteThemTillTittle
TradeTurnTwasTwere
UnderdoneUndoingVainlyWhereby
WickedWiseYearn
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